While in Jerusalem, Eric and I toured the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. The church is located in the Christian quarter of the old city. Millions of people travel to Jerusalem to be in what some consider the most sacred place for Christian believers. The church was built around Golgotha, the hill Jesus was crucified on, and the tomb he rose from. Constantine the Great erected the church in 336 CE. After a few fires and people trying to destroy the church, in the 12th century the Crusaders repaired the temple. In 2016, archaeologists needed to step in to make repairs. Their discoveries date back to Jesus’ death. This is just a brief history of the church. It is a fascinating topic, but today I want to talk about the Stone of Unction that lies a few feet after entering the church. Archaeologists believe this is the stone Jesus’ body was placed on to prepare for burial. After Jesus was crucified, a man named Joseph boldly asked the soldiers if he could take his body away to care for it. Nicodemus, a Pharisee secretly impressed with Jesus, arrived with myrrh and aloe. I can imagine the sadness in their hearts as they worked together to anoint his body and wrap him in grave clothes. This was a death they never saw coming. As the man they thought would save the world was dead on the anointing stone, life became increasingly confusing.
In the Holy Sepulchre, the stone slab lies to the left of Golgotha and to the right of the tomb. It lies between what was and what would be. When we visited, I weeded through the crowd of people so I could touch the stone. People from all around the world come to touch or rub a cloth with oil on this sacred stone. The church was full on this day. The line to Golgotha and the tomb was too long for us on this visit. We spent our brief time wandering around the church, brushing shoulders with those around us. I returned to the stone.
I have spent the last few days thinking about how eager we are to hear the good news of the resurrection. When reading through the passion narratives in the gospels, it’s tempting to skip a few pages ahead and ease the doubt and tension that the crucifixion caused. I sit with the thought that those who walked with Jesus did not have this privilege. They could not see the full picture. All they had on Friday was fading hope. Three days after Jesus’ death, two men left Jerusalem walking to Emmaus. A stranger appeared on the road and, unknown to these men, they were walking and talking with Jesus himself. In that conversation, they said concerning Jesus of Nazareth: “We had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel.” They HAD hoped, and now they left Jerusalem with overwhelming disappointment in their hearts.
The men on the road to Emmaus were not the only ones with fading hope. When Jesus reveals himself to a few of his close disciples, he finds them behind locked doors. They have become bewildered. They are unsure of what will happen to them or what to do next so they hide. Jesus asked them “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts?” Thomas, one of the twelve disciples, held onto his doubt for 8 days until he could touch Jesus. Peter began fishing because that was what he did before Jesus showed up.
I can only imagine the hurt Jesus’ friends felt on Friday. As his body was on its way to the grave, doubt must have grown in their hearts. I visualize my hand on the cool stone again. I feel I don’t have to hide my doubts, hurts, and disappointments. He already knows them. It is his invitation that I share them with him. I imagine smelling the incense as the clergy swing the censer to and from through the church.
I admit in my heart I am like the men on the road to Emmaus saying, “I hoped things would turn out differently. I hoped, but that’s not what happened. I thought it would look like victory but it looks like defeat.”
I am like the disciples hiding behind locked doors. I am scared of a future I am unsure of. I am scared of what’s next. I am afraid to move on. What will I leave behind?
I am like Thomas. I have seasons of doubt and find myself standing alone. I want to have faith but also want to see Jesus show up in a tangible way in my life.
I am like Peter. I just want to go back. I am eager to return to what I know and feel comfortable with.
Jesus is not threatened or disappointed by doubt. We are invited to sit in silence by the slab and allow our hearts to break for all we have lost. We can feel the weight of all we thought life would be. We can mourn our sins and the sins of those that affect us. We can make use of brokenness to lead the way to restoration. Having doubts and fears does not make us disciples who don’t love Jesus, it simply makes us human, and humans are the reason Jesus is on the stone. His love for his people cost him his life. Life has times of doubt but Jesus invites us into a conversion that will bring healing. Jesus will work in our hearts if we leave them before him. 2000 years ago he spent his final days on earth restoring his people’s hope. He wants to restore our hope as well.
